My rage uncoils deep within me, long serpentine limbs slowly unfurling, released from decades of constraint. It moves with the quiet purpose of one knowing that soon they will cause pain. In the darkness of my heart this thing that I have so long repressed explores its new found freedom while time holds its breath. I watch it, poised and uncertain, fearing the power that its pulled to itself, fearing it. I watch unknowing whether or not I want to stop it, whether or not I should again slam home that cage or if I should simply get out of the way and let it consume me and run free.
That quiet rage rises, potential coiled in every twist of its sinewy limb. A flash, faster than a heartbeat and it could present its wrath. And that would be it. It would win.
Cautiously I direct its movements, its untold power. Weeping I simply want to tell it "you win," and stand aside to let it cry out all wounds that have gouged this tender heart.
But quiet, this uncoiled, rage, am I ready to let it tear apart life and love to cleanse so deep that all must turn to ashes in its wake? Am I ready to step off this road and begin the journey again, starting that new life a gray vagabond whose name is yet untold?
And if I chain it still... will it come back under my command? Will it return to be locked in my soul? And if so... what will happen when again it seeks escape?
Monday, August 26, 2013
Friday, July 12, 2013
Media Romance part 1
Watching shows these days I find that through all comic and horror one thing has really begun to bother me. That thing is the lack of lasting love shown these days in shows and movies. When committing to the time spent with a show, the build up of characters and ideas, the subtle and blatant intricacies of characters and intrigues, something happens. The media has decided to follow a more "real world" idea in portraying their characters these days instead of the old concept of finding romance and that "true love".
Sure it makes the show more gritty and realistic, but something is truly lost. Some moral messages remain to shows and in television, but the idea of marriage for life seems to have gone down the drain. It gives the writers more to work with and more suspense and such to throw at a viewer... But I find that every romance built up for months or years and then snatched and snapped for the simple addition of suspense or viewer involvement, is sad. The loss of that relationship that we were forced to care about is troubling. Sometimes it makes me even question this relationship that I am in now and so desire to be enduring. Could it be broken so easily as the characters in our favorite dramas?
I hope not, but I have to wonder.
I know that break ups happen, but the messages are media sends us is that breakups happen all the time and for next to no reason.
That said - couldn't it be sending us a better message? Like - communicate, endure and work through your shit?
Gotta wonder,
Sure it makes the show more gritty and realistic, but something is truly lost. Some moral messages remain to shows and in television, but the idea of marriage for life seems to have gone down the drain. It gives the writers more to work with and more suspense and such to throw at a viewer... But I find that every romance built up for months or years and then snatched and snapped for the simple addition of suspense or viewer involvement, is sad. The loss of that relationship that we were forced to care about is troubling. Sometimes it makes me even question this relationship that I am in now and so desire to be enduring. Could it be broken so easily as the characters in our favorite dramas?
I hope not, but I have to wonder.
I know that break ups happen, but the messages are media sends us is that breakups happen all the time and for next to no reason.
That said - couldn't it be sending us a better message? Like - communicate, endure and work through your shit?
Gotta wonder,
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
Dear Mr. President - We need Hope
To view the country as an outsider, I can imagine that one would just wonder simply, what's wrong. This country, developed on the concept, if not the action of acceptance, has hit a moral low. Locked in the boxes we call home and the televisions we call God, we hide unable to look outside our window for fear that we will not be able to handle what we may see. Our issues are many. Our solutions, few and difficult, as they mean we must look at the world around us and come to understand the difficulties that we face without falling to pieces.
Dear Mr. President, we need hope. Hopelessness has pervaded the country like a weight upon the shoulders of us all.
Once upon a time we looked to the great wilderness of the US. Our mountains stood tall, our rivers pure, our beaches pristine. But how can we hold on to hope when our mountains are crumbled around our own people and left as scars upon the land. Everyday we crack, crumble and destroy the planet in which we live. Forest we used to play in as children are bulldozed to make way for new buildings and roads or are locked down to be made a for-profit business. There's no where our children feel safe or even allowed to play anymore. No heart of our community to which we can hold.
How can we be a country united if everywhere we turn we are made to fear our fellow citizens, our fellow man? Who drew these lines in the sand?
We need hope. We need to come together again and say "YES WE CAN!"
We are smart creatures, clever with our tools. We are faced with so many "elders" saying - "It's too late, too late" but look at what we have accomplished! We have made it to the moon. We have technology to bring creatures extinct back from that grave. We have the ability to scrub the carbon from the atmosphere and harness energy directly from the sun. We have choices, we have power. We can move forward if we can remove the shackles and return to a place of compassion and of hope. We need to move quickly and we need to be united. And I am so sorry for the job you've taken on, because dear Mr. President, we need hope. And we've placed it in your hands. It is your job to pull this country back together, to say "No" to those who need it and "Yes" to those who will make our future bright.
We cannot lead the world in a technology we haven't even begun to accept. But we can lead in uniting the world and we can lead in change.
Dear Mr. President, lead us in change. Lead us into a future that we can sustain!
Dear Mr. President, we need hope. Hopelessness has pervaded the country like a weight upon the shoulders of us all.
Once upon a time we looked to the great wilderness of the US. Our mountains stood tall, our rivers pure, our beaches pristine. But how can we hold on to hope when our mountains are crumbled around our own people and left as scars upon the land. Everyday we crack, crumble and destroy the planet in which we live. Forest we used to play in as children are bulldozed to make way for new buildings and roads or are locked down to be made a for-profit business. There's no where our children feel safe or even allowed to play anymore. No heart of our community to which we can hold.
How can we be a country united if everywhere we turn we are made to fear our fellow citizens, our fellow man? Who drew these lines in the sand?
We need hope. We need to come together again and say "YES WE CAN!"
We are smart creatures, clever with our tools. We are faced with so many "elders" saying - "It's too late, too late" but look at what we have accomplished! We have made it to the moon. We have technology to bring creatures extinct back from that grave. We have the ability to scrub the carbon from the atmosphere and harness energy directly from the sun. We have choices, we have power. We can move forward if we can remove the shackles and return to a place of compassion and of hope. We need to move quickly and we need to be united. And I am so sorry for the job you've taken on, because dear Mr. President, we need hope. And we've placed it in your hands. It is your job to pull this country back together, to say "No" to those who need it and "Yes" to those who will make our future bright.
We cannot lead the world in a technology we haven't even begun to accept. But we can lead in uniting the world and we can lead in change.
Dear Mr. President, lead us in change. Lead us into a future that we can sustain!
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
One Circle Closing
As we bid 2012 good-bye, I feel myself breathe a sigh of relief. Without fully realizing it I discover that 2012 was extremely difficult and I'm glad to see that year spin away. I feel like a weight has been lifted tho I was not even aware that I was carrying it.
Always during the year I said that life was good but always has its ups and downs. Now I realize the power of despair. As 2013 dawns, I discover a strange stirring within me, hope. Hope, where have you hidden so long?
Looking back on the year there were truly ups and downs. Mere weeks after moving into my wonderful new house, I was taken down by Mono and lost a few months of anything resembling energy. The house is full of new tasks and chores to be sorted out in ones psyche as part of ones schedule. And that balancing act has been full of adventure and fun as well as some stress and trial.
But 2013 dawns with the house warmed and cozy by the wood stove's heat and the rich comfort of winter tucked round. A new solar array graces the roof, waiting for the finishing touches by Concious Energy. And the house is undergoing a thorough clean before our wanderings take my boyfriend and I away to the sunny south lands of New Orleans and Mexico.
Meantime my memories hold close a beloved friend who was first of my dear friends to pass beyond the mortal coil for me. I miss his well worn smile and sharp laugh, ready as a birds. I'll never hear his stories again told round the fire or hear him call affectionately to a gorilla or fox to whom he was known. He was a rogue with a golden heart, charismatic as the open road and the sunset into which he now rides.
His death marked one of the most difficult journeys of my life. Such a trial that I have no desire or spirit to write of it. But if one thing came from it, it's to reassure myself to listen to the wisdom whispered to my soul and to myself be true.
So as the circle of 2012 fades forever, I find myself sitting here smiling like a jackal and saying - have hope, it will get better now.
Always during the year I said that life was good but always has its ups and downs. Now I realize the power of despair. As 2013 dawns, I discover a strange stirring within me, hope. Hope, where have you hidden so long?
Looking back on the year there were truly ups and downs. Mere weeks after moving into my wonderful new house, I was taken down by Mono and lost a few months of anything resembling energy. The house is full of new tasks and chores to be sorted out in ones psyche as part of ones schedule. And that balancing act has been full of adventure and fun as well as some stress and trial.
But 2013 dawns with the house warmed and cozy by the wood stove's heat and the rich comfort of winter tucked round. A new solar array graces the roof, waiting for the finishing touches by Concious Energy. And the house is undergoing a thorough clean before our wanderings take my boyfriend and I away to the sunny south lands of New Orleans and Mexico.
Meantime my memories hold close a beloved friend who was first of my dear friends to pass beyond the mortal coil for me. I miss his well worn smile and sharp laugh, ready as a birds. I'll never hear his stories again told round the fire or hear him call affectionately to a gorilla or fox to whom he was known. He was a rogue with a golden heart, charismatic as the open road and the sunset into which he now rides.
His death marked one of the most difficult journeys of my life. Such a trial that I have no desire or spirit to write of it. But if one thing came from it, it's to reassure myself to listen to the wisdom whispered to my soul and to myself be true.
So as the circle of 2012 fades forever, I find myself sitting here smiling like a jackal and saying - have hope, it will get better now.
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